Hello, dosto!
Wedding season is upon us, which means *band baaja baraat*, delicious food, incredible outfits, and… the inevitable, legendary, absolutely unavoidable **Aunty Brigade**. You know them, you love them (sometimes), and you definitely can’t avoid their well-intentioned (or sometimes not-so-well-intentioned) *taane*.
From “Beta, shaadi kab kar rahe ho?” to “Itne patle/mote ho gaye ho!” – these comments are as much a part of Indian weddings as the *jalebis* and the *baraat*. But hey, why let a few *taane* ruin your vibe? Aaj, we’re going to master the art of handling these situations like a total boss. Get ready to smile, deflect, and maybe even turn the tables (in a nice way, of course!).
## The Taunt Tsunami: Decoding Aunty’s Arsenal
Before we dive into the ‘how-to’, let’s quickly identify the common *taane* that come our way. Understanding the enemy (just kidding, they’re not enemies, just… well-wishers with strong opinions) is half the battle!
### 1. The “Shaadi Kab Kar Rahe Ho?” Bomb
Ah, the classic. If you’re single and breathing at an Indian wedding, this question is guaranteed. Doesn’t matter if you’re 22 or 32, if you haven’t tied the knot, you’re fair game.
**Your Battle Plan:**
* **The Sarcastic-Sweet:** “Aunty, jab aap apni bahu dhundh ke laogi, tabhi toh hogi!” (When you find a daughter-in-law for me, then it will happen!) This often catches them off guard and shifts the “burden” back.
* **The Vague-Optimist:** “Bas, Aunty! Right person milte hi. Aapko zaroor invite karenge!” (Soon, Aunty! As soon as I find the right person. We’ll definitely invite you!) Smile broadly.
* **The Career Focus:** “Abhi toh bas career pe focus hai, Aunty. *Pehle apna mukaam bana lein, phir shaadi ki sochein.*” (Right now, just focusing on my career, Aunty. First achieve my goals, then think about marriage.) It’s hard to argue with ambition, right?
### 2. The “Kitne Patle/Mote Ho Gaye Ho!” Body Shaming Edition
This one hits different. Whether you’ve gained a few kilos or lost them, an Aunty will *always* notice and comment.
**Your Battle Plan:**
* **The Self-Deprecating Humor:** “Haan Aunty, stress bahut hai life mein. Ya fir, party mein khana itna accha tha ki control nahi hua!” (Yes Aunty, life is stressful. Or maybe, the party food was so good I couldn’t control myself!) Laugh it off.
* **The Health-Conscious Turnaround:** “Bas, Aunty! Healthy rehna hai. Thoda weight manage kar rahi hoon/raha hoon. Aap batao, aap kaisi ho?” (Just, Aunty! Want to stay healthy. Managing my weight a bit. How are you, Aunty?) Turn the conversation.
* **The Zen Master:** A simple smile and nod. No explanation needed. Your body, your business. If you’re feeling confident, you can even say, “I’m happy with myself, Aunty!”
### 3. The “Salary Kitni Hai?” & Comparison Conundrum
“Sharma ji ke bete ki toh Australia mein job lag gayi, teri kitni salary hai?” (Sharma ji’s son got a job in Australia, what’s your salary?) Ugh. The ultimate comparison.
**Your Battle Plan:**
* **The Cryptic Pro:** “Bas, Aunty! Bhagwan ki kripa hai. Ghar chal raha hai, aur thode savings bhi ho jaate hain.” (Just, Aunty! God’s grace. The house is running, and I save a bit too.) Keep it vague and positive.
* **The Future Visionary:** “Abhi toh learning phase hai, Aunty. But future mein bahut plans hain! Actually, agar aapko career tips chahiye for your kids, you should check out guides like Kaise Karein, Boss? Your Future-Proof Guide to Tutorials & How-To’s!. It has some amazing insights!”
* **The Humorous Diversion:** “Meri salary toh itni hai ki aap sunke bolne lagogi ‘beta, bache ko khana bhi khila dena!'” (My salary is so much that you’ll start saying ‘son, feed the child too!’) A light joke can often defuse the tension.
### 4. The “Ghar Ka Kaam Aata Hai Ya Nahi?” & Domestic Skills Enquiry
Especially for the ladies (but sometimes for men too!), this is about whether you can cook, clean, or manage a household. “Gol Roti banani aati hai?” (Can you make round rotis?) is the unofficial anthem.
**Your Battle Plan:**
* **The Modern Take:** “Aunty, gol roti se zyada toh aajkal online order karna aata hai. Par agar aapko sach mein tips chahiye, toh Gol Roti banani hai? ‘Mummy’ se taane sunne se bacho! is a life-saver! It’s all about smart living now.”
* **The “I’m Learning” Approach:** “Seekh rahi hoon, Aunty! Life mein sab kuch seekhna padta hai, right? Aap batao, aapki special recipe kya hai?” (I’m learning, Aunty! One has to learn everything in life, right? You tell me, what’s your special recipe?) Ask them for a tip, make them feel valued!
* **The Delegation Tactic:** “Aunty, luckily mere paas toh ghar mein helpers hain. But if I ever need to learn something new, I always refer to guides like Kaise Karein, Boss? Your Future-Proof Guide to Tutorials & How-To’s!!”
## The Golden Rules of Aunty-Taunt Survival
Remember these mantras, my friend:
1. **Smile, Smile, Smile:** A genuine smile is your first line of defense. It disarms, deflects, and makes you look like you’re taking everything in stride.
2. **Deflect and Divert:** Change the topic! Ask about their health, their kids, the food, the decor. Anything but *you*.
3. **Keep it Brief:** Don’t get into long explanations or justifications. Short, sweet, and to the point.
4. **Empathy (Optional but Effective):** Sometimes, these taunts come from a place of genuine concern or just old-school thinking. Acknowledge their perspective briefly, then move on.
5. **Walk Away Gracefully:** “Acha Aunty, I just saw *Mama ji* across the hall, need to go say hi!” Or “Oh, I think they’re serving *paani puri*! Gotta run!”
6. **Humour is Your Friend:** A well-placed, light-hearted joke can work wonders. After all, life’s too short to take every comment seriously, especially at a wedding! And if you ever need a guide on how to approach these situations, you know where to look: Kaise Karein, Boss? Your Future-Proof Guide to Tutorials & How-To’s! is your ultimate problem-solving buddy!
## Related Videos (If Available)
* [How to master the art of small talk at weddings](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=example1)
* [Quick deflections for awkward questions](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=example2)
* [Indian wedding fashion fails and fixes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=example3)